Cultivating deep relationships

Relationships are at the core of the human spirit, the very backbone of humanity. How do we cultivate deeper relationships? I use the word relationship to mean all kinds of relationships, friends, family, and romantic relationships. They all require intentionality and are more beautiful with depth. 

I think every relationship is unique, and special in its own way. I honestly have no relationship that is the same. I value all the friends that I have and I see and experience every relationship differently just because every person is different and unique, and therefore the bonds I share with each of them are also unique in that regard.

I get very anxious with small talk, in fact, I despise small talk and I long for deeper conversations. But a lot of the time, most of the time, relationships start with small talk so I allow myself to be uncomfortable in the birth of new connections and hope that the conversations can get deeper with time. But once a relationship has had the time to develop and the conversations and still surface level I begin to rethink my pursuit of that relationship. I am wrong for doing so? Are certain relationships just meant to be surface-level?

But how exactly do we cultivate deeper relationships, it is by the amount of time we spend with people or by the things we do with them? I think both quality and quantity matter. I honestly value spending time with people, I enjoy just sitting with someone, no phones, no television just me and the person talking about our stories, sometimes coherent and sometimes not. I enjoy learning about how people view the world and listening to their thoughts. It's amazing how much we can learn from each other when we stop and listen. When we let our guard down. I enjoy sitting on the floor, and just talking about life, our fears, our hopes, and our dreams. I find this to be one of the ways to cultivate deeper relationships. Life has become so fast as I grow and I am finding it harder and harder to slow down and sit with a friend and just listen and experience them. I am having to be more intentional about spending time with those I love. 

I want to experience people, who they truly are. I appreciate social media, it helps us connect even when there is a distance barrier, but nothing beats face-to-face interactions. I have noticed that with my long-distance friends, we do a great job at staying connected, calling and Facetime, and even just looking at each other's posts on social media but when I meet them in person I notice the things that texts, calls, and posts can't capture and those are the things I long to experience more to cultivate that deeper connection, to see them and listen to them fully. I am in no way saying deeper relationships cannot be cultivated when there is a distance barrier, in fact, most of my deep relationships are long-distance but I recognize the challenge that it comes with. It takes more intentionality to stay connected and to accept some things, a camera can't capture.

I think it is also important to do activities together. Maybe going on a hike, painting, taking a walk, a run whatever it may be. I love the outdoors so anything outdoors really. Through these experiences, we get to learn more about our relationships and how we connect in different setups. You get to see how someone reacts when they are tired after a run, when they are scared of climbing up a mountain, or how they express their creativity when they paint. This allows for a deeper connection beyond that which can be said. It allows us to see how a person approaches situations and how they problem-solve and critically think. It's beautiful to see these things and even more important, it allows us to see others fully, to see their humanness, and to love them fully for who they are and not for what we think they are. 

And the beauty of all this is that people change, grow, and evolve so there's no limit to how deep a connection can get, and there in comes the value of longevity. To experience a lifetime of a connection, a friendship, a relationship, is to live. 

If it's your first time here welcome to Space of thoughts, I hope we learn from each other and grow together. For those who have been here before, it's such a pleasure to have you again.

Please do reach out to me in the comments or write to me directly using the email lcararise@gmail.com