Jordon Year

I haven't celebrated my birthday for the past two years. What I mean is I didn't want anyone to know about it because I didnt want anyone to make a big deal out of it. There was still something I was unsure about and I hadnt really come to a resolution so I avoided the situation by hiding and running away. Towards the end of last year though, I started to feel more at peace and told myself that life is worth celebrating, my birthday is worth celebrating. I am worth celebrating. I decided to leave the confusion behind, the question of which day I was really born, and decided to continue with what I have always known because quite frankly, the person who can answer this question is not here so I owe myself some form of moving forward, some form of acceptance, some form of making sense of my own story without constantly questioning and remaining in doubt.

So I told my friends that I wanted to go all out this year. I wanted to blow some balloons, pop some champagne, blow some candles, and hear my friends sing the birthday song. I wanted all the sensation that birthdays come with. The many messages that people send with beautiful words and prayers. The random friend from years ago that texts and those that freak out towards the end of the day that they forgot my birthday. The birthday gifts, the speeches, words of affirmation, and gratitude. To hear feedback on how I am impacting others or not.

So when the day drew closer, I became anxious and excited.  After Christmas, I knew that it was only two weeks before the big day and after January 1st, a week to go. My first gift came from Maya, she visited me during the break and her visit was graceful and am super grateful she came after 2 years of not seeing each other. Maya randomly sneaked in an Amazon package on a Monday night and I wondered what it was because she didn't tell me she was ordering something. Well, I didn't have to wonder long because on Tuesday night, she asked me to open the brown box. And I knew instantly that it was my birthday gift. 

On Friday morning Peter called and asked me to get on a group call with Teddy but I didn't know where my phone was and I was busy preparing for an interview so I didn't pick up. I later called him at night. He asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. I was texting Teddy at the same time and she also asked me the same question. I told both of them I wanted to go skydiving, and they broke into laughter. I was serious lol. But the timing was not right and yoh the prices needed at least one month's notice to my friends and the thrill and fear of heights needed a year's notice. So I said we can do dinner instead and all of us took a sigh of relief. In the next few minutes, Teddy and I looked at restaurants and restaurant menus. We came across one called the Vast, this restaurant has a phenomenal view, it looked good, and since part of the dinner if not the main part was taking pictures, I said lets go to this one. Teddy was like yes lets do it, but then we checked the menus and the prices made the decision for us. We were not going there please. I am a broke college student lol. We looked at a few other restaurants and Teddy left me with a task to choose one and to try to get some suggestions from my boyfriend. So I did and he helped me pick Redrock Canyon. The pictures looked nothing close to the Vast but the food looked good and the prices said yes. So that was the location for the big day. I created a group chat on WhatsApp and invited my friends to come and celebrate with me. I spent the day watching Everybody hates Chris and daydreaming about my birthday dinner. I had a simple lunch and had phone calls coming in from friends. 

At 5pm I started preparing and at 6 we were off. When we entered the restaurant it was booked, in my head I was like where are we suppose to sit. Then we were led to another part of the restaurant. And immediately, I smiled. I was like wow, just wow. This place looks so beautiful. It was the right location, the vibes were good, the lighting on point (I could already imagine the pictures). And the food, the food was great. I don't know if I ate too much or maybe it was how good the food was but I got sleepy and started slouching on the chair lol. The conversations were great. Everyone connected somehow and we shared moments of laughter together. Sidiki and Peter were so hilarious that night. Then we took the pictures. We sure did because those pictures were on point. Then we went back to my apartment for a little after-party. And there it was a beautiful half vanilla, half chocolate cake, and a bottle of wine. 

I did have a birthday to remember, I have never once been celebrated the way that I was on this night. I blew the candles. I popped the champagne, I heard my friends sing the happy birthday song, I received beautiful gifts,, I received the beautiful messages and prayers and my family called the next morning. My friends gave their speeches, affirmations and my boyfriend spoke his love letter out loud. We danced the night away until it was 12am and they said happy birthday again. And Yes a random friend from years ago texted lol. I will forever be grateful for each and every one of these people. Few of whom I have only known for a year and a few for only months and yet they gave me a birthday to remember for a lifetime. This was my Jordan year celebration and I hope it brings with it freedom. Freedom from fear, anxiety, and self-doubt. Freedom to pursue dreams, to love unconditionally, to let go, and to be free to shine and fly. I pray the good Lord blesses me with his love, mercy, and grace. Happy 23rd birthday to me. 

If it's your first time here welcome to Space of Thoughts, I hope we learn from each other and grow together. For those who have been here before, it's such a pleasure to have you again.

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